because a real headstone would be in poor taste

so yeah, this is quite dead for now anyway. with any luck i’ll be back, but i don’t quite know yet.

not like my life’s a big enough deal anyway.

yeah, i thought so.

I know i really should do a retrospective 2009 lookback but surprise surprise, i havent gotten my fat arse round to it. but i do want to talk about some urges that i experienced today.

ok, stop looking at me like that.

had dinner with my uncle/grandma today (no, they are not the same person. its just lazy punctuation, and yes i am aware of the irony that the effort needed for this explanation is infinitely more than what is needed to punctuate that properly and…argh), and my cousin (one of many living in australia/new zealand. no shizzle) was passing a camera to my mom to take a picture. it was one of those nikon cameras, really nice and professional.

and all of a sudden, i was gripped with a overwhelming desire to grab the camera and run out of the restaurant as fast as i could, not stopping until i was miles away with the camera, with no intention of returning home.

i could see it:  the awkward moment in the restaurant as she realised that a relative had just lost it, and the awkward moments certain to ensue in the process of recovering the stolen good, and finally the ultimate awkward moment as the camera would be handed over, with me being frogmarched to the car to be taken home.

thankfully, i didnt, and just watched as the pictures were taken, with frankly little interest.

oh why i AM on medication. how did you guess?

oh great, the yam seng. you have no idea how annoying that can be, yknow. like seriously.

and just spoke to my mom about celebrating the new year and stuff, and yeah i agree with what she says, that theres not really that much to celebrate sometimes. the millennium one was special. i just think countdowns and whatnot get lame and annoying sometimes, so oh well.

oh my son they’re freaking chanting “happy new year” now. over and over again. i kid you not.

i will actually write something reflective about the new year, but yes (in a completely non paradoxical nor hypocritical manner), do have a happy new year

IS.

GOING TO BE.

LOTS. AND LOTS.

OF FUN.

(bonus! earworm be back soon with more stuff to read)

christmas is a nice time of the year, all things considered. even better when you realise christmas music videos used to look like this.

it must have snowed crack in the 1980s, thats the only possible explanation.

goodwill towards men and peace on earth

homework will be done next week. promise.

sigh.

i know what i’m asking santa for christmas, after substantial agreements in copenhagen and world peace. i’d like a new knee, one that works fine and won’t give me problems. maybe its looking too far ahead, but i’ve already thought about what’s going to happen 30, 40 years down the line. do i really want a knee replacement, with long recovery periods, reduced range of movement, and lots of pain at 45?

i’ve seriously looked at amputation. i could live with prosthetics, get by and maybe even be able to run to keep fit and stuff. and as an added bonus, it’d be good to scare children with

who knows, its still a long way down. the choice might even be taken out of my hands. i could get hit by a bus tomorrow and get everything removed. which would be sad, cuz we’re playing acsi on friday (which i am trying to get back for, because i’m an idiot)

i hate planning ahead, because i take it for granted that there’ll be a tomorrow to plan for, which is hubris to the extreme. but we all have to plan ahead, don’t we? we are not Janus, we cannot look back and forwards at the same time. I wish I were, because i look back a lot. i think about things too much. I worry too much. but i need to get my head screwed back right, to look ahead and make the most of what i have, but really, all i want is to live for today.

is there a conflict with living for today and planning for tomorrow? i personally don’t see how they can really co-exist, how they can really work in tandem at the same time. if you plan for tomorrow, you surely cannot make the most of today, because your efforts won’t be there, your focus won’t be there, your heart won’t be there.

or maybe i’ve my head in the ground.

how did i end up here? i should post a song.

i can’t possibly recover fast enough.

but watching jasper do his sneaky business and dump the prawns when the lady wasn’t looking, or the vast amounts of tissue we used to hide and throw the really awful raw squid cough into, or making sure all the food got cleared before the plate reached weizhong…it was really a lot of fun

although we are horrible people surely for wasting all that food haha.

also, knee is screwed, albeit not as seriously, but still? hobbling for the next few days ftw.

no lyrics this time, folks. sorry.

but yes, less videos more talk. soon i hope.

and i just realised i’m going to be home alone saturday.

(or fine, just the couple of blogs i managed to chance upon, which i will assume encompasses everyone because i’m too lazy to check)

i shall talk about my dietary habits, which i hasten to add are of no less consequence than ruminations of existence, just more…tasty.

anyway, i realised my intake today did not go very high on the healthy range of things. for breakfast i had one meat@harajuku (my new favourite food. really), and one sausage standard from breadtalk. for lunch, i had a fillet-o-fish, double cheeseburger, iced lemon tea and large fries. which is really unhealthy, but it was good fun, seeing alison freak out and all.

oh yes dinner. 9pm at AMK bus terminal, so i head to breadtalk to get food. of course, they have this promotion, where 5 buns can be yours for just $6. so…one meat@harajuku and four sausage standards.

its funny when i think about what they say, that what food you eat is based on your lifestyle and work and stress levels and history of disease and race. ok i made the last two up.

but what does that say about me? that i really really like bread? or that i can’t be half arsed to eat properly? or that, well, food is fuel?

probably all of the above.

AND RIGHT

this is the most charming thing i’ve seen in forever. i love it to bits.